So, Rob, this is our 31st Valentines’ Day together. I don’t remember where we went for our first one, though I think it was the Red Robin down by the Mountlake Bridge. You know, the one, where, when you park in the parking lot, it feels like your car is going to roll right down into the canal. (Banzai!) I DO know it was our first official “date” date, 10 days after our very first date, lunch at the Wendy’s in downtown Seattle. You brought me a single red rose, held by that little white fuzzy unicorn. Bet you didn’t remember that’s when you gave it to me.

We’ve exchanged a lot of Valentine cards over the years. For the last 10 or 12 years, though, I’ve had problems finding ones I could give you other than funny ones. Not that I object to funny ones per se, but it’s been frustrating not being able to find any serious cards. The problem is that card writers don’t write for real life as it sometimes is. No, for them, the object of affection is always a paragon of virtue, always “there”, always listening and caring, always has the perfect thing to say. The cards gush about how perfect we are for one another, how exactly we match each other, how alike we are, how, if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. The lover getting the card never makes me feel anything but loved, safe, secure, beautiful, sexy, etc. The future is always and forever, rosy-posy, sugar and cream, every day in every way getting better and better. In the Valentine world, love is always warm and fuzzy and life is always smooth and fun, and if the sun isn’t shining brightly it’s only because there’s a romantic full moon out, tra-la! Bring on the chocolates and roses!

When we married those 4 months after that first Valentine’s Day together, that’s certainly what I had in mind for our future. Oh, we acknowledged the likelihood of some minor difficulties, at least theoretically. But we had no idea, did we? We had no idea the “tunnel of love” was sometimes more like high-speed “bumper cars.” Our road of life has ended up with gaping wash-outs, massive landslides, and our GPS is still recalculating the detour.

They don’t make cards for those kinds of situations. Or maybe most people living through those rough times like to go along and pretend for a day that they live in a Valentine world. Nice fairy tale, anyway. But I just can’t bring myself to do that. So, here is my Valentine’s Day card for our very real, not-so-perfect life:

My dear husband,
When we married almost 31 years ago, we really had no clue how badly broken we both were. In some ways, we’re well-suited for each other in the romantic “made for each other” sense; in other ways, our areas of weakness perfectly exacerbate, rather than offset, that of the other. We’ve had plenty of “Kodak moments” together, but there are also plenty of pictures we wish we could delete from the mental family album. Sometimes our relationship has been rock solid; sometimes we’ve just been holding on “by the skin of our teeth”.

I have no idea what I’d do if I had it to do all over again. I certainly can’t say that “I wouldn’t change a thing”, but I also know this: Unless I were a whole different me, no matter what new things we did, I’d screw up just as much as I have this go ‘round. That’s what makes this whole thing so amazing though: somehow, God has taken two broken, wounded people, and made a marriage that has lasted through almost 31 years despite differences in our perspectives, hurt feelings and misunderstandings, my mercurial moods, my myriad health problems, the years of hell with child-who-shall-remain-anonymous, financial issues, soul-wrenching church struggles, your constant stress from a toxic workplace (and a few other issues not for public discussion.) Many marriages have ended over less. Marriages of people who made just the same vows we did. We’ve seen them. That ours is still going is a resounding testimony to His grace, mercy, and faithfulness – and I do believe He has better days to come.

On that Valentine’s Day 31 years ago, I was already pretty sure I was going to love you for the rest of my life. I’ve been wrong about a lot of other things, but at least this one I got right! Happy Valentine’s Day!
your Susie