Lord, please meet that need
Posted on: September 11, 2011
One of the most profound lessons on prayer I ever witnessed took place in the middle of a service at Mercer Island Covenant Church back when I was in college ’80 or ’81. I always enjoyed Pastor Bud’s sermons, and in personal conversation he had blessed me with some very good insight that was enormously helpful in getting through a hard situation.
On this particular Sunday, in the middle of his sermon, the still of the sanctuary was suddenly pierced by the growing wail of several emergency vehicles. As they drew nearer, they drowned out Pastor’s voice, so he stopped speaking and waited for their sirens to finish passing. As the last of the sound died away, he bowed his head and quietly said, “Lord, those sirens mean there is a need. Please meet that need.” Raising his head, he proceeded with his sermon as if there had never been an interruption. For me, though, that “interruption” was the sermon.
There are two particular lessons I took from the episode. 1. Pastor let events of the moment move him in the moment. It is easy to witness something and intend to pray about it later, but then forget. Don’t let opportunities pass you by. 2. The prayer was simple and short. Pastor didn’t know anything about the situation. I don’t remember for sure if we could even tell exactly which kind of emergency vehicles they were that went by. It was enough that God knew the details.
Ever since that day, I have continued the same prayer when I see or hear emergency vehicles, and I find there are many other opportunities for such ‘telegram’ prayers. See a police car? Pray, “Lord, protect them” or “Lord, let them act justly”. Pray safety for a fire truck or ambulance. Going by a school, pray that truth would be taught, that Christian students and teachers would be lights, that all would be protected. By City Hall? “Let integrity guide them.” By a grocery store? Say, “Lord, thank you for the abundance of food in this country!” Being aware of these opportunities for prayer as we go about our business is one way to help keep the conversation with God going all day.
May we be ever alert for those situations where we, too, can interrupt our day to say, “Lord, please meet that need!”
Shedding the “shoulds”
Posted on: September 10, 2011
Ah, the “should”! I don’t mean the actual “right” and “wrong” type of should, as in “You should be truthful on your tax return.” I mean that vague “should” that you somehow feel obligated to live up to; the ones imposed by the nameless They, by family, by strangers in the grocery store, or even by ourselves. I mentioned “the mother that lives in my head” the other day. I think we all have some version of her, a mental construct of someone who we imagine would be living our life better than we’re doing it, and who is constantly criticizing us for all the things we “should” or “shouldn’t” do. There is no end of things about which we can create a “should”. Sometimes the “should” is entirely arbitrary, such as manners. That’s why culture to culture differs so. Here, it’s rude to belch; in Japan, it’s a compliment to the cook! (I think my son thinks he’s Japanese…) Some of our “shoulds” may have some basis in reason, but really, when you get down to it, are still just a matter of opinion. Ever read the debates in Dear Abbey about which way the toilet paper “should” hang? Talk about a tempest in a teapot! Some of us are more susceptible to the “shoulds” than others. How many “shoulds” are you carrying around?
For example, take fashion. Who elected those Fashion Elite to dictate what is or is not acceptable? I grew up with some very strict fashion rules, such as: Don’t mix patterns; plaids don’t go with polka dots don’t go with paisleys don’t go with anything but solids. Stripes were a little less strict; you might wear them combined with certain floral or other prints if you did it carefully. Certain color combinations were taboo, too. One did NOT attempt the union of say, purple and orange and red. It simply wasn’t done. I never cared about dressing fashionably as far as following all the current styles and such, but I confess that I internalized many of these more general pseudo-rules. Then I had kids, who each had their own ideas about what did or did not go together! Not that I didn’t still try to instill some of my fashion prejudices, of course. I mostly lost. But really now I’m glad of it. Why would I want my kids to carry someone else’s “shoulds” around? And God’s sense of humor is showing lately: my dear daughter-in-law, who majored in fashion design and has tastes very different from mine, is outfitting the nursery for our impending third granddaughter in …. purples and oranges and reds! 😉
There are a lot of “shoulds” that weigh parents down. Your child is a year old – he “should” be talking! My child is two and a half and not potty trained?? She “should” be by now! There are all the contradictory “shoulds” of parenting: You “should” spank; no, you “should” use time-outs. You “should” give an allowance; no, you “should” pay for doing chores. You “should” give your kid a computer; no, you “should” keep your kid away from computers until she’s 30! Education is a virtual MINEFIELD of “shoulds”. Your child is 5; he “should” be able to spend several hours sitting still at a desk being quiet. My granddaughter is 6; she “should” be reading by now. Your daughter is in 5th grade now; she “should” be able to do this math. My boy is a high schooler now; he “should” be getting A’s in every subject. Homeschooling, which, ahem, pardon the term, should be a place of freedom, (some shoulds are warranted!) is often just another guilt-load of “shoulds”. You “should” be spending 6 hours a day doing schoolwork; no, you “shouldn’t” spend more than 2. You “should” be pushing your kid to excel, studying an encyclopedia of subjects, each in-depth, so your kids transcript looks like something from Harvard; no, you “should” let your child do whatever he wants, study what he wants, when he wants. You “should” do it this way, you “should” do it that way, yadda yadda yadda till your head spins!!
The reality is that kids are all very different and that the normal age range for walking, talking, potty training, reading, and every other accomplishment you can think of is far, far – FAR – wider than parents are led to believe by our culture and/or the public school system. There’s no reason our kids shouldn’t be allowed to be as differently abled as the adults we know – Joe is a great CPA, but don’t ask him to write a magazine article, and Jane is a great organizer but don’t ask her to be treasurer, and Fred can fix anything but isn’t good at coming up with new ideas. Homeschooling is generally just as successful no matter which philosophy of it you practice. There is absolutely nothing set in concrete when it comes to how education should be done, in what order, at what age. There generally are no absolute “right” and “wrong” answers in parenting, either – and God’s grace is big enough to cover our blunders, anyway!
We need to be careful who we listen to. As one of my favorite proverbs says, “Just because a blind man tells me I’m ugly, I don’t have to believe him.” Just because someone tells us we “should” do this or that doesn’t mean they’re right! If you’re a parent, it’s a good thing to read books and talk to other parents – but never let that advice outweigh your own instincts. No parenting expert in the world is an expert on YOUR child. You are! If you’re homeschooling, research the different approaches, then choose the one that feels like the best fit for YOUR family, not just what sounds like it worked great for someone else. If you want to wear plaids with paisley, go for it. So what if you don’t do all the “shoulds” Good Housekeeping says? If you feel under pressure to meet some “should” that you can’t explain “why?” or “who says?”, and you don’t want to do it, just DON’T. I’ll bet the world won’t implode.
Let’s learn to discern and shed those undeserved “shoulds”!
I recently finished reading a very thought-provoking book, “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin. Rubin decided that she would take a year to both study happiness and attempt specific projects with the intention of raising her own happiness level. She read scads of articles, books, biographies and essays on the subject. She chose an area of focus for each month and set specific resolutions relating to that area, marking her progress (or lack thereof) on a chart each day. These areas included such things as marriage, parenting, work, play, and physical well-being. Resolutions were as varied as “stop nagging” to “sing in the morning”, “get more sleep” to “make 3 new friends”. The book is liberally sprinkled with inspiring quotes from all her reading.
I’m on my second reading of the book now, this time taking notes. I don’t know that I’ll undertake a Happiness Project per se, but there are a lot of resolutions that I’ve thought of that I’m sure would make me happier – and make the household atmosphere more pleasant. Incidentally, I love her distinction between a “goal” and a “resolution”. A goal is finite and achievable; once you’ve attained it, you move on to the next one. A resolution is something to be worked on-going, whose point isn’t necessarily achieving perfection in it, but that in striving for it, we are better off than if we were not trying at all.
One of the quotes that has hit me most strongly is one by Voltaire: “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.” How often it seems that we know the ‘perfect’ we should do, but because we can’t or simply won’t do THAT, we don’t even do the ‘good’ that we could.
As in inveterate reader of health articles, not to mention many a conversation with my doctor and lectures from various fitness nuts in my life, I know very well that I am supposed to be getting at least thirty minutes a day of aerobic exercise, plus doing at least thirty minutes of weight training three times a week. “You’ll feel SO much better” and “once you get into it, you’ll miss doing it if you miss a day” and yadda yadda. The simple fact is, I hate exercise. Period. I do! So the reality is that I am never going to do the perfect of exercise. But if I can make myself do ANY kind of exercise regularly, even just 10 minutes every day of dancing in the living room, it’s better than doing nothing. Better to at least do the good, than give up entirely just because I’m not going to do the perfect.
Many years ago, I got into hand-making cards. I bought a bunch of rubber stamps, inks, powders, stencils – all kinds of supplies. For several years I got a lot of enjoyment out of making cards for birthdays, anniversaries, and other special days. (I’d always been pretty big on remembering occasions with cards, so this was a change in the “how”, but not the “what”.) But after a few years, I found that I just didn’t have the time to do the cards like I had been doing. Oh, I still liked the idea of doing them, but I fell out of the practice. But I felt guilty for going back to sending store-bought cards rather than sending homemade ones. (Oh, the silly perspectives we sometimes take.) So what did I do? Yep. I just pretty much stopped sending cards altogether! Which do I really think folks would have cared more about: that they got A card at all – or that they got a hand-made one vs. a store-bought?
I haven’t done as many posts this week as I intended because…. guess? I started about 4 long drafts, each with a magnificent theme, but in each case, the thesis ended up splintering and wandering off in multiple directions like kids on a field trip – and I could never get them all back into the van. So, when I realized my Magnum Octupuses were going nowhere, did I try to come up with something much shorter, but cogent, so that I would at least be posting something? No. I posted NOTHING. I let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
There are so many areas of life where we can apply this maxim. Housekeeping? I can’t keep the house spotless, so I give up and don’t even try to keep it picked up. Dieting? I can’t give up all sugar, so I may as well eat the whole candy bar. Parenting? I can’t go to Disneyland, so I won’t even bother going to the park. Keeping in touch? I “owe” someone a long letter, but have time for only a short email, so I send nothing because I can’t send the long one. The perfect putting the kibosh on the good. Voltaire nailed this one!
Well… this post isn’t perfect. It might not even be good! But at least it’s DONE!
Just hold on a moment…
Posted on: September 6, 2011
My life is lived with a soundtrack always playing in my head. It’s quite eclectic, consisting of such things as Disney songs (from “Aristocats” to “Winnie the Pooh”), pieces of musicals (“Annie Get Your Gun” to “Yentl”), commercial jingles all the way back from childhood (“Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener….”), and Veggie Tale songs (Who can forget “Oh, Where is My Hairbrush?”), but more of my repetoire consists of modern praise choruses, Sripture songs from college days, and, my favorites, lots and lots of classic hymns. I love old hymns! I can probably sing at least the first verse of the majority of the songs in my old hymnbook without having to even think. This is a handy thing when it’s just part of the soundtrack of my day and I really need my mind focused on the task at hand, but it’s also a “not good” thing; there are some pretty heavy meanings to those lyrics that I would do well to pay attention to.
I think one of the scariest is “Take My Life and Let It Be”. What do I actually ask God to take complete charge of in this simple hymn? Only everything I am, everything I do, everything I say, everywhere I go, and everything I own! I confess, however, that far too often a more accurate rendering of the song would be:
Take my life, and let it be.
All I care about is ME!
Take my feet? You just don’t know
All the places I need to go.
Take my moments? There’s no way!
I need each second of every day!
(You see, my list of things to do
Is far too long for even You!)
Take my silver and my gold –
But my Visa card I’ll hold!
Lips and voice? Those are mine, too,
I’ll say whatever I want to.
Have my heart to be Your throne?
There is room for ME alone!
Tell you what, Lord, let’s just say
You can have what is LEFT today!
I think it’s my moments that are the hardest for me to give up. I like plans and schedules. I almost never get to actually follow one, however. A constant crop of interruptions, distractions and the unexpected interferes. I have a mental roadmap of the way things are “supposed” to go, and can get admittedly grumpy when they are forced to take a detour!
However, lately I’ve been pondering Psalms 31:15 which says, “My times are in Your hands…” It’s easy for me to see God as holding the grand sweep of my whole life, but how should I apply this verse to the minute-by-minute of my time here on earth? Maybe what I see as “interruptions” to my business are, in fact, His real business! I need to hold MY plans lightly, in the full knowledge and acceptance that He may change those plans at any time. I need to look for Him in the interruption.
For example, last week, a friend was unable to make it to our weekly ladies Bible study because she mislaid her car key on her way to the front door. Fuss, fume, weep, “But Lord, I NEED to be there!” (And those of us at church, “Lord, we WANT her here!!”) However, because she WAS home that morning she was able to take a very important call from a friend! The frustration of missing the activity she planned was swallowed by the greater joy of what she didn’t miss. God doesn’t always make the picture that clear, of course. I think most of the time we aren’t given any explanation for what was really going on. But incidences like this remind me to trust that, whether or not He reveals it to ME, He is accomplishing His purposes in that detour. Since my times are in His hands, I can relax and enjoy the journey instead of worrying so much about getting to my destination on time, following my route.
I’ll write more…. when I get a moment!
The three most dangerous words in carrying on much of life are “for now” and “later”. (This isn’t an original thought with me; I’ve read the concept in many organizing articles.) I am generally much more organized than the average citizen; it’s a trait I inherited, so I come by the vice honestly. But even so, I still fall into those traps. Lately, I’ve been examining just how much of my life I procrastinate by using those two phrases, how deadly they are, and how simple it often is to avoid them.
How often do I put something down somewhere “for now”, when it would take less than a minute to take care of it properly? I have a dirty dish. It would take 15 seconds to put it in the dishwasher, but do I? No. I put it on the counter by the sink “for now”. I go shopping and get a new toiletry item that goes in the master bathroom. It would take less than 30 seconds and about 50 steps round-trip to put it away. Do I? No. I put it on the bar, where it sits for three or four days…. or more… before I finally remember to carry it with me when I’m headed that way anyway. I stock up on bread that needs to be double-bagged and tossed in the freezer. It takes about 15 seconds per loaf to get it ready. How many days do you want to guess it may sit on that counter, cluttering up the kitchen, before I take care of it? A basket of laundry that takes less than 5 minutes to fold is left on the couch “for now” rather than being done right away; it will still be there by evening, which means more often than not my sweet husband will do it – which I appreciate, but which he shouldn’t have to do! Sometimes “for now” turns into almost “for ever”. Those washed and folded towels that I put on top of the cedar chest instead of into the linen closet? They may sit there until I change towels again. (Which may not be nearly as soon as it should!) That magazine article Mama clipped for me to read? Still sitting on the bar weeks later, buried under all that other “for now” stuff. (And we won’t even talk about my desk!)
Then there’s “later”. I’m at my computer doing something, and I remember that I need to write a quick, 30 second “thinking of you”, “how’d your surgery go?”, or “let’s get together” email. Do I do it while I’m thinking about it? No. I think “I’ll do it later”, only later never comes. I know a birthday is coming up in a few weeks. Do I get a card NOW? No, “I’ll do it later”. Suddenly it’s the night before the birthday, and guess what? No card! A button comes off my shirt. It will take less than 2 minutes to sew it back on. Do I go ahead and do it while I’m thinking about it? No. I put it on my mending pile to be done “later”. 3, 4, 10 months – a year! – down the road, I finally get around to taking care of that mending pile. My kids used to (only half-) jokingly give items a kiss goodbye when they had to put an item into that pile. They knew they might not see it again before they outgrew it!
It’s so easy, isn’t it? At least, it SEEMS easy. In reality, I’m robbing myself! All those undone tasks are a constant emotional drain. Sometimes they’re a sinister whisper of guilt, “You’re lazy! or “Your MOTHER didn’t keep house like this!” [note: my mother disputes this notion that she was a perfect housekeeper, but “the mom in my head” was, and that’s what matters.] Sometimes those tasks are pulling at me this way and that way, waving their hands and crying out like kids in a classroom waiting for the teacher to call on them. “Do ME!” “No, ME!” “No, ME ME ME!” The more the piles build up, the even bigger they get in my mind, until they assume such gargantuan proportions that it seems impossible to begin attacking them. All self-inflicted. “Lord, what fools these mortals be!”
So, how to counterract all this? I’m working hard at doing things right away, putting things where they belong in the first place, doing little tasks right away, thinking realistically about how much time a task will take instead of letting it convince me that it’s bigger than it really is. Most of all, I’m reminding myself how much better I’ll feel about myself if I don’t “for now” or “later”! The satisfaction that comes with doing what I ought to do far outweighs the seeming convenience of avoiding the task. Of course, there are some days when I truly am too busy to do some things. I let it be ok – but as soon as I can, I get caught up. I try to use little bits of time that come my way – while I’m talking on the phone (hurray for cordless phones and headsets!), waiting for water to heat for tea, those 5 minutes before the TV show starts (or all those commercials DURING the show!) It’s amazing how much those little bits of time can add up. My house isn’t perfect. I still don’t always get the emails written, the phone calls made, the cards bought. But little by little, I’m reclaiming some sense of mastery!
OK, I have Saturday chores still to do, so I better finish this up ….. for now! Talk to ya …. later!
Declaration of Intent
Posted on: September 2, 2011
Today was an historic day. Every fall since 1993, I have filed a form with the school district to conform with our state’s homeschooling requirements. It is called a Declaration of Intent to Provide Home-Based Instruction. Since our youngest, Jillian, is now a senior, this year’s form is the very last I will ever have to file. I’m not sure whether to frame it or save it till next spring and burn it at her graduation!
Although the State’s purpose in requiring this Declaration of Intent is a mere matter of record-keeping so that homeschooled students are not confused with public schoolers on “self-directed field trips”who need a visit from the truancy officer, I see another value to having to do it. No matter what kind of schedule you follow or which philosophy you apply to your homeschooling, being required to file this form means that at least once a year you are forced to give some thought to what you are doing. No one should be homeschooling without being very intentional about it.
What if we were to file such a Declaration of Intent for other areas of our lives? Too much of our lives are lived unintentionally – overcome by events, distracted, drifting with whatever current happens to take us. Yesterday, September 1, has always marked the official end of summer to me. Oh, we may have a pleasant “Indian summer” this month – we often do – but SUMMER starts Memorial Day weekend and ends September 1. I got to take a wonderful two week trip to Texas in June, but as a family, this summer we did ….. nothing. We didn’t make it to the beach, to a zoo, to a mountain, to a lake, anywhere. Not even once. Now, I have to give the weather it’s fair share of blame; we had a pretty poor showing of summer weather until August. But even so, what killed our summer wasn’t the weather. And it wasn’t that we didn’t WANT to do those things. They all sounded good! But rather than declaring our intent, setting dates, making plans, and then making them happen, we just drifted along waiting for those things to just somehow….. occur. As if some Saturday morning we’d wake up and find ourselves on our way to the beach. “Wow! This is cool! Didn’t know we’d be doing this today!”
My project boxes and craft drawers have been packed full of many unfinished “guilts to do”. I bought the materials, maybe even got started on the project in a burst of inspiration, but then somehow let it get lost in the sea of circumstances. Again, I was waiting for things to more or less make themselves happen. I’ve thought of writing a blog for years. Or maybe I should say I’ve thought for years about writing a blog, though both may end up true. But it went no further than thought.
I can’t go back and be more intentional about the first 51 years of my life, but I can work on whatever time I have left. I (obviously) started this blog at last! Over the last few weeks I’ve done a “fish or cut bait” on those projects in boxes and craft drawers, forcing myself to realistically assess whether or not I’m ever going to – or even want to – do them. Of those that I’m keeing, those that I could finish with just a few minutes, I have been making myself just DO and have done with. I’ve set a sequence for working on the others, and I’m going to impose some deadlines for doing them, or out they’ll go, too! For months, I’ve been sorting out my wardrobe and culling items – all those things I keep telling myself I’ll wear (but never do) and those things I keep trying to talk myself into liking simply because I spent money on it or someone gave it to me. I’m getting rid of things that don’t fit properly, or that I use to like but no longer fit my style. I’m working harder on stopping tasks to call a friend when I think about it, rather than thinking “I’ll do it when I’m done” – because most often, by the time I finish a chore I’ll have forgotten about making the call, but if I make the call, I’m less likely to forget the chore that needs finishing! I can’t redo this summer, but maybe when next summer rolls around, I’ll make sure we do more than think about fun things to do.
I’m not sure which office to take it to, but I’m filing a Declaration of Intentionality!
Why “the solution”?
Posted on: September 1, 2011
This should have been my first post. I meant it to be. Honest. But I typed it into the “About” page. In the middle of the night, I realized what I’d done, and thought, “Hmmm. I better go change that around in the morning” – only to find that it had gotten lost while I navigated around in the previous night’s attempts at figuring this thing out. 😦 So, I’ll have to attempt to reconstruct. Ah, the learning curve!
One of the quotes I have on my study wall says, “To most people, solutions are answers. To chemists, solutions are things that are all mixed up.” The older I get, the more I realize how much I resemble both of those definitions. With 51 years of life, virtually all of it as a believer (since I don’t remember ever NOT believing), 29 years of marriage, 26 years of parenting, 22 years of homeschooling, and almost 2 years of grandparenting under my belt, there are plenty of questions about life and parenting and relationships that I feel reasonably certain that I have some handle on and perhaps even, by God’s grace, wisdom to share. However, with all that experience, I also run into more and more questions that lead me to …. more and more questions, leaving me befuddled and confoozled and not always sure which way is up.
Life itself is like those definitions. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it’s a confusion, and sometimes it seems to be somehow both at the same time! I am trying to learn to accept those contradictions, even to embrace them, rather than trying to force life to be understandable. So, the point of this blog will be exploring life’s solutions – constants and conundrums, mysteries and muddles, ponderings and pronouncements. Off we go!
It’s a puzzlement!
Posted on: September 1, 2011
I love jigsaw puzzles. My whole family does, in fact; the more challenging the better! One of my favorite ones had the identical image printed on both sides – with one side rotated a quarter turn! Now, THAT was fun. We’d get little sections of the picture put together, only to find that they wouldn’t fit with the rest of what we had together; we’d have to turn it over before we could put it in place. Or we’d need to find a particular connecting piece, and search and search for it, almost concluding that it must have gotten lost, only to flip a piece over and – voila! – it was easy to find once it was right side up. I have figured out that life is a lot like that puzzle!
I’ll think I’ve gotten something all figured out, neat and tidy and tied with a ribbon, only to find that it doesn’t seem to quite fit in with the rest of reality; not until God comes and turns it all topsy-turvey does it finally fit. Or I search and search for something I think I’m missing, searching to the point of desperation sometimes, only to find that the answer was in front of me all the time – I just hadn’t been looking at it from the right angle. God has promised that He DOES have all the pieces, none are missing; and He promises that they all FIT, too. The truth is, the picture is so vast that I will only ever be able to see a small section of it. I’m learning to deal with just the piece directly in front of me, and to leave the rest of the puzzle in His more-than-capable hands.
the susie solution 